Build the House

This prayer danced out of me one morning after Parenting Class. That’s right. Parenting Class. Our church held one and I signed up late but very enthusiastically (which is how I sign up for everything). Don’t ever mistake my late sign ups for lack of enthusiasm, but, rather, lack of awareness of time and skill at searches and clicks. Our table leaders had been good friends for a while but, unbeknownst to them, had also been coaching as at family life. My husband, David, and I had been noticing for years how happy their kids were. Truly happy. Not spoiled happy. Not naive happy. Kids who held contentment in their eyes and confidence in their shoulders. I pleaded with their mom so many times, “Tell me! Tell me about your Chamber of Parenting Secrets!!” She would laugh her awesome, big laugh and say, “Oh stop it! It’s just THE LORD!” 

I was like, yeah ok…

But it really was, in fact, the Lord.

On one of the first evenings at Parenting Class, we discussed Deuteronomy 6 “You shall love the Lord your God…these words shall be on your heart…you shall write them on your doorposts,” you get it. And Jesus’s sequel to that one in Luke 10, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.’” Our leaders described these passages as a foundation you pour down to create the home you desire. Without a sure foundation, any family life you build on top will fall on the shoulders of two imperfect, crumbling people. I’ve tried the latter and, believe me, its a mess of stress. The stress builds when you realize that all the emotional, mental and physical burden is on YOU THE PARENT not messing up. Without an external source of truth; the foundation is YOU as a person. This reminder nearly gave me a panic attack as I sat in my folding chair sipping my La Croix. Then, our leaders pointed to Psalm 127 and everything fell into place for me. 

“Unless the Lord builds the house,

    the builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

    the guards stand watch in vain.

In vain you rise early

    and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

    for he grants sleep to those he loves.”

In vain! Oh so much vain!! Because without a sure foundation of truth, that’s a love-relationship with God, an external truth-sage, that’s God, and grace, that’s Jesus tellin’ us to love ourselves, we must know it all and be perfect. Nope. and Nope. That’s a no for me, thank you. This doesn’t mean we stop growing as parents or people. We don’t stop going to therapy or yoga class or having quiet time. We don’t stop cooking just because our spouse offers to grill the meat. Listen moms, because of this wild faith, we have a guide in this, the spirit working through every moment (messy or magnificent) and a Jesus who ushered grace into the whole equation. So we are forgiven when we inevitably stress and mess it up. And when we are forgiven, we sleep. When our children feel safe and stable, they hold contentment in their eyes and confidence in their shoulders. Kids who take off from the solid foundation of home, are happy, even if they throw a few fits a week. This shouldn’t put pressure on you, but urge you to write God’s love all over your heart and let him build the house.

Key word: let

Here’s that prayer that danced right out:

Build the house

Here are the pieces

Too reliant on coffee and sugar 

Too quick to react 

Too consumed with keeping everybody spinning happy

Too obsessed with dreams painted in Pinterest aesthetics 

Too brutal on myself for the slightest misstep in the balance beam event of mothering 

Here are some other pieces

I care 

A LOT

I want my children to do more than Sunday-school with Jesus

It is my goal that they know his love in their bones and guts

Feel his embrace when they are curled in pain 

Know his start-over again and again

Accept a Christ-reality, a Christ-blooming world

I want to funnel his love to them

I want it to wash over them so they know what they deserve

So they know their worth

I want to speak his wisdom with his tone of voice

To intervene the way he made stones clatter to the ground

To hold and teach boundaries the way he sought solitude

I want bath time to look like the washing of feet

All this desire

Does it count?

To want to do the will of God

Hoping that IS the will of God

Here are the materials 

It’s not a lot to work with

But I trust you see more to me than I see in myself

I won’t worry too about low self-esteem

Or try to fix myself

I’ll let you build the house